i think it should be okay to be disappointed with yourself. it should be fine that you’re dissatisfied with how you turned out, with how you are turning out, with how you are going about your life. at least you’re aware of your flaws.

but, in my case, i want to able to say to myself truthfully for once: hey. i’m not the person you think i am, and i’m not happy with how i am. but i think i can accept that. i think i can accept myself with all my shortcomings. and i don’t need validation from other people to accept who i am. i don’t have to give a shit about what other people think of me, no matter how hard it is not to not listen to what they say.

because listening to them means i’m doubtful of myself and my identity. it means i’m more willing to please their views of me than my own preferences. it means i’m not strong enough to stop relying on other people to define who i am.

right now? right now, i’m still not strong enough to walk on my own; i still need those crutches to help me create myself. but sometimes, when i’m not even looking, i can see those bits of myself that haven’t been touched by the world, and i think to myself, someday. someday, i will find all of me. and i won’t need those crutches anymore.

for now, though, please, continue to look on. i hope i will make it there someday. no. i know i will make it there someday.